Brent Hitchcock وبلاگِ هیچكاک

The Army is a fan of ‘blanket punishments’.  If one person ever screws up then a new rule will be created to prevent any future soldier from making the same mistake.  It works the same way a band-aid works on internal bleeding.

Following I have compiled a list of things that I, or my team are no longer allowed to do.

• I should not use my Farsi skills to translate signs for people only to write unrelated innuendos
• I am not allowed to ‘forget’ Farsi because I am not getting interpreter pay
• I am no longer allowed to disguise myself as a civilian contractor so I can wear civilian clothes around camp
• On that same note…I now have to wear pants AND a shirt at all times
• Its not funny to scare the First Sargent by saying “If I were an M-16, where would I be?”
• If I am ever again assigned to make the trivia questions for trivia night…they need to be questions that someone can answer
• When playing the guitar at chapel service, Simple Man by Lynrd Skynrd does not count as soft background music
• Steal does NOT stand for Strategic Transfer of Equipment to Alternate Location
• When my complaints are not heard, I should not tell my commander to set up a meeting with me and the battalion commander
• Also that commanders name is not ‘baldy’
• We are not to taunt other units over the radio
• First Sargent apparently does NOT look like a miniature version of Bruce Willis
• Any further rappelling trips must me pre approved by somebody that makes more money than me
• Many more to come…

Not to worry, we still have quite a few ‘CNN worthy’ activities that haven’t been explicitly banned. Those stories however will have to wait…